How to talk about school shootings
The second step in 4/4: pray, talk, act, give
Welcome
Many of you are new here today, so start here with the introduction to 4/4 and yesterday’s first post about how to pray about school shootings.
Thank you for being here. This is only a beginning. Please share your ideas and suggestions, as this is a collective effort and already the work of many.
Suggestions on ways to start talking
Start a conversation with someone you know about why you care about school shootings. Move from the comment box to in-person exchanges. Gather with people who share your desire for change. Try to talk with someone who disagrees with you. Find a friend willing to explain their opposite perspective.
Perfect agreement is not the goal, but instead we hope to cultivate a culture of dialogue in the hopes of creating positive change.
We can’t do anything if we can’t talk to each other.
Here are tips for talking with someone you disagree with from the Brave Talk Project, including:
Tell people they matter.
Acknowledge their fears under the surface.
Mirror what you hear.
Listen more than you talk.
Check out the work of Living Room Conversations and their conversation guide on guns and responsibility. They also offer a PDF version of this helpful step-by-step guide: how to approach this topic with thoughtful questions and non-judgmental listening. Other topics related to school shootings include mental health, unity & politics, and freedom.
Getting at the heart of why someone feels passionately about an issue usually involves listening to their story. Here are some great questions to bring to a conversation (from Way Better Questions):
Can you tell me about your personal experiences that make you feel this way?
When it comes to this issue, can you tell me what is at stake for you?
What’s one part of this issue you’ve changed your mind about in recent years?
What have you always wanted to ask someone who believes what I believe?
What do you see that is good in the position of the other? And what troubles you about your own position?
Watch this short video from Julie Varner Walsh: we need to do the work of repairing relationships if we want to bring about real change.
Remember that talking about school shootings does not mean reaching perfect consensus. It means that we try to speak up more about what matters to us and we seek to understand why others believe differently than we do, in order to work toward real solutions.
Resources
Here are ways to talk with your kids about school shootings from the National Association of School Psychologists.
If you don’t have people to talk with in your local community, you might listen to this range of perspectives gathered by the New York Times when they asked readers if the threat of gun violence has affected their daily life or mental health.
Carlos Whittaker’s latest episode of the Human Hope podcast invites us to listen to the parents of the survivors of the Covenant School shooting. What do they actually need from us?
Finally, here is a striking call to the quiet among us to grab our megaphones:
“The groundswell from the American people has to sound as unified as it actually is. It is not enough to privately yearn for legislative action anymore. We need this conversation to rouse up in real life everywhere. If enough is enough for you, say it. Say it at home, say it to your family, say it to your leaders, and say it online. Please say it.”
A personal note
Without my prompting, a number of you had pledged support via Substack, wanting to fund this newsletter financially. I hadn’t planned to turn on paid subscriptions, but starting this effort has taken a huge amount of time and work. So I decided to open it up to paid subscriptions for those who would like to support everything it’s taking to produce this for you. Everything will remain free here, and my ultimate hope is that you will direct your giving efforts (which we’ll talk about in a few days) to organizations that are working directly on violence prevention or support for victims, their families and communities. But I am grateful for those who recognize what it’s taking to pull together these resources, so deep thanks to those of you who are making this possible through paid subscriptions. - Laura